


Trespass

by officiallykris



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Crushes, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 03:18:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8385172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/officiallykris/pseuds/officiallykris
Summary: Kihyun is the type to react first and apologize later.





	

**Author's Note:**

> so i haven't really written anything fit for consumption in a long, long time. but i love this stupid band so damn much, they've coaxed me out of my hole and given me beautiful material to work with. this is set during that time between No.Mercy and their debut when maknae was still feeling a little unwelcome. TT.TT also, i don't think kihyun even has a brother, but whatevs, just go with it.

A light pops on in the hallway just as Guy Pearce is checking out his multiple tattoos in black-and-white on Changkyun’s computer screen. The person in the hall drags tired feet the few meters to their small communal bathroom and shuts the door. Changkyun finds himself waiting for the sound of the lock sliding into place, but it never comes. He still finds it strange, the level of openness here, the lack of regard for privacy. But he figures it’s something he’ll get used to eventually, just another adaptation he’ll have to make to fit in. Those seem to be piling up even quicker these days.

It’s only a moment later that the door opens again and those same tired feet begin their journey back to bed. Changkyun goes back to his movie, mashing his finger against the volume button until he can better hear the monologue through the headphones he’s got lying around his neck over the flushing toilet. 

“Changkyun-ah?”

Startled, he jumps, hands finding clumsy purchase on the sides of his laptop and head whipping up to locate the interruption. 

It’s Kihyun. Of course it’s Kihyun. Changkyun swears that since he’s come to live in the dorm with the other members, he’s only seen Kihyun in bed asleep a handful of times, one of those having been just an hour ago when he’d stumbled from his own bed after too long lying awake. He’d been extra careful about being quiet, needing space away from everyone for just a moment. Because though it’s gotten a little better recently, since final decisions were made and they were all forced to accept them, Changkyun can still feel the tension between them. Or between him and everyone else, rather.

So he’s been taking little moments for himself when he can, as silent and secret as possible. But now he’s been caught.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” he says, wincing at how loud his voice comes out in his panic. Quieter, he asks, “Did I wake you?”

Kihyun rubs at his eyes with balled fists, like a child, and shakes his head. “No, you’re fine. I just had to pee. What are you doing up so late, though?”

At that, Changkyun shrugs. He doesn’t want to tell Kihyun the truth, that the bed he’s been assigned doesn’t feel like his own, that Minhyuk’s snores are at too high a pitch to remind him of his father’s and are therefore more disruptive than comforting, that being around Kihyun at any level of consciousness makes him feel nervous, constantly worried he’s gonna do something wrong and make Kihyun dislike him even more.

Instead, he says, “Just couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake anyone else up, so I just came out here to watch a movie.”

Kihyun nods and stumbles a little closer, sleep making him clumsy, and Changkyun stamps down the rush of affection he feels at the sight. It’s not as if that affection is going to be reciprocated. Out of everyone, Kihyun has been the hardest to crack. It’s not that he’s been deliberately mean or anything, it’s just. He’s not very forthcoming about himself, not like Minhyuk or Jooheon, who had been the first to welcome Changkyun. And where the others have been helpful, Hoseok and Hyunwoo offering to stay after to help Changkyun with choreography the past several nights, Hyungwon whispering quiet corrections to his language mistakes, Kihyun has kept him at a stiff arm's length away. 

Until now, it seems, as Kihyun just keeps moving closer, until he’s resting the side of his leg against the couch right next to Changkyun’s hip.

“What are you watching?” he asks, all curiosity and none of the reprimand that was expected.

“Uhm,” Changkyun coughs, forcing himself to relax again so that the heels of both his feet are back on the ground and his laptop isn’t balanced precariously on his stiff knees, “Memento. It’s my brother’s favorite.”

Kihyun hums, and for a second Changkyun thinks that’s it. It’s the most friendly Kihyun has been to him as of and he’s almost grateful the moment is over because for some reason friendly Kihyun makes him feel even more self-conscious. 

But then Kihyun says, “Do you mind if I watch with you?”

“Aren’t you gonna go back to bed,” he asks, immediately regretting it when he sees Kihyun’s face fall. He scrambles to recover, “I mean, of course I don’t _mind_. I just figured you were tired.”

He feels triumphant when Kihyun’s eyes brighten again, and that should be a sign for him. He’s in too deep. He knows what it feels like to have crushes, especially crushes on people that would likely never give him the time of day. But those feelings have always been for foreign girls who had no idea he even existed. Never for someone so close, so dangerously capable of ripping his heart out. 

That doesn’t seem to matter though, not when Kihyun is shrugging one of his narrow shoulders and moving to sit down beside Changkyun on the couch. Not when he’s flashing one of those pretty little smiles that Changkyun has been jealous of since the first time he saw it and saying, “We have a late start tomorrow. And I’m awake now, so…”

So Changkyun should stop being weird and let Kihyun continue whatever this little endeavor of amends is. Because he’s not stupid. He knows what Kihyun is trying to do. And the effort isn’t unwelcome, even if it’s sudden and maybe a little out of left field. 

Again, Changkyun finds himself making the conscious effort to relax, exhaling softly and adjusting his laptop so that both he and Kihyun can see the screen comfortably. He’s lost track of the storyline of the movie, watches in confusion as black-and-white shifts to color. Still, it makes him feel less tense, familiar in a way that gets less painful the longer he’s here.

“I get homesick too,” Kihyun says, voice so low Changkyun almost doesn’t hear it, “for my brother, I mean.”

Changkyun doesn’t need the added clarification, but he doesn’t say so. Kihyun has never come out and talked about his family with Changkyun personally, but it’s not needed. It was clear almost immediately that Kihyun doesn’t really speak to his parents much, and Minhyuk had been quick to volunteer all necessary information, so Changkyun didn’t ask questions. It was one of many things the others have subtly offered about Kihyun, presumably to keep the peace. Not that Changkyun would have just come out and said anything. He knows a sore topic when he sees one.

So it’s with the utmost attention to propriety that he says, “It can be tough being away from the people you love.”

Kihyun hums, the sound soft and almost sad, “Especially when no one is going out of their way to make you feel at home here.”

When Changkyun turns this time, it’s to see Kihyun’s downturned head and the small, almost bashful movements of his finger against the couch between them. He doesn’t know what to say, or if he’s supposed to say anything at all. He’s never known anyone as cryptic as Kihyun, and yet, there’s an honesty there as well that comes out when Changkyun least expects it. Certainty juxtaposed with ambiguity. The rollercoaster they’re currently riding is making him disoriented, and it only gets worse with every word Kihyun speaks.

“I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

“...It’s okay.”

“No,” Kihyun states, eyes flicking up to catch Changkyun’s, holding Changkyun hostage with his determination, “it’s not okay.”

“It’s just,” Kihyun sighs, shifts close enough that he can snake one of his skinny arms up underneath Changkyun’s elbow, scratching at the soft skin he finds there. And if Changkyun had been vulnerable to his crush before, he's completely floundering now. He can’t help watching Kihyun’s fingers as they spread across his forearm, listen to Kihyun’s voice fill with an emotion he’s never heard before, “some of us aren’t so good with change.”

It’s another thing that doesn’t need clarifying. Changkyun knows that when Kihyun says “us” he really just means “me”. It’s what makes the next words hit that much harder, even more so than the fact that Kihyun whispers them against Changkyun’s shoulder, breath warm against bare skin.

“So don’t leave us now, okay?”

He expects the flip in his stomach, the tightness in his throat. He’s in way, way too deep. And there’s no climbing out of it now. He might as well just resign himself to it. Though whether or not it’s better than resigning himself to never being close to Kihyun at all remains to be seen.

“Okay.”

The tension lifts with his easy agreement, and Kihyun sighs contentedly as he shifts the both of them into a comfortable position for himself, his legs curled up under him and his head leant against Changkyun’s shoulder. He doesn’t take his arm away, instead deciding to wrap his hand loose around Changkyun’s elbow.

“So what’s going on,” he asks, and it takes Changkyun a moment to realize he’s talking about the movie.

He goes to answer, but his mouth just hangs open for a moment before he admits, “...I have absolutely no idea.”

And for the first time since they met, Kihyun’s laughter at him doesn’t feel mean-spirited. It’s light and beautiful, amused but not at Changkyun’s expense. Like it’s Kihyun’s turn to feel affectionate towards _him._

It’s a sound that makes Changkyun apprehensive, but only because he suddenly wants to do everything in his power to hear it again.

**Author's Note:**

> thx for reading. ngl i don't like this too much, but i'm trying to force myself out of that no posting slump.  
> all of kyun's feelings are courtesy of my own, because Yoo Kihyun, am i right?


End file.
